Seeing His Hand
There are moments in life when you know that God is working. Moments when you can see the reason “why” behind something. We always know He is there and sustaining us…making this world go around and giving us the breath to wake up and start a new day. Sometimes though, we are in the dry place of not seeing the God who cares for us ever so deeply and we doubt His presence. Over the last week or so I have been blessed to see God providentially allowing things to happen. It has been a balm to my soul.
There was the time last week. It was a early evening and I was taking down the laundry that I hadn’t had time to bring in all afternoon. My three children were 30 or so feet from me in the woods, playing. This is not uncommon. They spend plenty of time outdoors throughout the day.
This time I happened to be so close to them.
I can still picture the scene in my mind as they all started to scream with utter terror. It only took a few short seconds for me to realize this was not a joke…the yellow jackets swarmed in anger. In their play they must have stepped on a nest. c was out first, running ever so fast. e was running, yet uncertain. I grabbed him first, pulling him and snapping him into quicker action. little h was the one who was stock-still and undoubtedly getting the brunt of the attack. she needed to be rescued and I grabbed her, trying to knock the angry bees off her.
In His mercy, there were no reactions to the stings. In His mercy I was there. So close to rescue them.
Just the other night I was reading some information about adoption that j “happened” to find and hand to me. It was titled “Your telephone relationship with your birthmom” and I almost threw it aside, thinking it wouldn’t pertain to us. Ours isn’t exactly a “phone relationship” after all.
A few statements in the note that made me really search my heart were:
“Some adoptive parents are too busy to squeeze an adoption into a hectic schedule. In contrast, a birthmother’s life is often empty.”
“Birthmothers are most likely to place if they feel like you are family”
Another area involves “a reluctance of some adoptive parents to share their phone number…giving your birthmom your phone number is a sign of trust”
Now I know there are many different domestic adoption scenerios out there. Sometimes there are legitimate “scammers” who know how to talk; there certainly is no blanket set of rules to play by.
In the last month I have spent numerous times with “tess”- our birthmom. (name changed for privacy) I have struggled greatly in knowing how to connect with her. Many of you have offered up sweet encouragement and advice. I think one of the most obvious that spoke to me was to just “love her”. Sometimes I spend so much time trying to figure out how things will all work out that I neglect to remember the greatest of these…love.
After reading the note j and I had a heart to heart and hashed some things out regarding our relationship with tess. I knew that I should just meet with her and tell her my heart.
tess happens to be rather private so I had no idea how she would take me opening up to her. So yesterday afternoon I stopped by her place and explained to her how much we cared for her and not just the baby she was carrying. How I longed to have a relationship built on trust. To have a phone number where I knew she could always reach us at, forever and always. (Our plan had thus far been to have a track phone that we would eventually get rid of-it was the only number she had and the way we communicated) I told her I homeschooled – which I was nervous she would not like. Since I take it seriously, I can’t take her places in the mornings now; I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t have time for her.
I can feel how God has softened me and made the first couple weeks of hectic running around with her and feeling like she had me tied around her finger disappear.
I am so thankful.
I can see His hand, and it is balm to my soul.