There was the time last week. It was a early evening and I was taking down the laundry that I hadn’t had time to bring in all afternoon. My three children were 30 or so feet from me in the woods, playing. This is not uncommon. They spend plenty of time outdoors throughout the day.

This time I happened to be so close to them.

I can still picture the scene in my mind as they all started to scream with utter terror. It only took a few short seconds for me to realize this was not a joke…the yellow jackets swarmed in anger. In their play they must have stepped on a nest. c was out first, running ever so fast. e was running, yet uncertain. I grabbed him first, pulling him and snapping him into quicker action. little h was the one who was stock-still and undoubtedly getting the brunt of the attack. she needed to be rescued and I grabbed her, trying to knock the angry bees off her.

In His mercy, there were no reactions to the stings. In His mercy I was there. So close to rescue them.

Just the other night I was reading some information about adoption that j “happened” to find and hand to me. It was titled “Your telephone relationship with your birthmom” and I almost threw it aside, thinking it wouldn’t pertain to us. Ours isn’t exactly a “phone relationship” after all.

A few statements in the note that made me really search my heart were:

“Some adoptive parents are too busy to squeeze an adoption into a hectic schedule. In contrast, a birthmother’s life is often empty.”

“Birthmothers are most likely to place if they feel like you are family”

Another area involves “a reluctance of some adoptive parents to share their phone number…giving your birthmom your phone number is a sign of trust”

Now I know there are many different domestic adoption scenerios out there. Sometimes there are legitimate “scammers” who know how to talk; there certainly is no blanket set of rules to play by.

In the last month I have spent numerous times with “tess”- our birthmom. (name changed for privacy) I have struggled greatly in knowing how to connect with her. Many of you have offered up sweet encouragement and advice. I think one of the most obvious that spoke to me was to just “love her”.  Sometimes I spend so much time trying to figure out how things will all work out that I neglect to remember the greatest of these…love.

After reading the note j and I had a heart to heart and hashed some things out regarding our relationship with tess. I knew that I should just meet with her and tell her my heart.

tess happens to be rather private so I had no idea how she would take me opening up to her. So yesterday afternoon I stopped by her place and explained to her how much we cared for her and not just the baby she was carrying. How I longed to have a relationship built on trust. To have a phone number where I knew she could always reach us at, forever and always. (Our plan had thus far been to have a track phone that we would eventually get rid of-it was the only number she had and the way we communicated)  I told her I homeschooled – which I was nervous she would not like. Since I take it seriously, I can’t take her places in the mornings now; I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t have time for her.

I can feel how God has softened me and made the first couple weeks of hectic running around with her and feeling like she had me tied around her finger disappear.

I am so thankful.

I can see His hand, and it is balm to my soul.

We had a great opportunity to set up the house that she would be living in. We tried to make it homey by adding pictures to the wall and flower arrangements. It was an exhausting two days of work. Thankfully, several friends helped out by cleaning and helping us with donations of furniture and furnishings. It all came together just in time by God’s grace!

Within a few days of moving near us we met her one late morning and took her and her two small children out to lunch. Can I saw awkward? The Lord has truly given us a situation that is beyond my comfort zone. In my perfect mess free adoption world we would have been called about a baby that needed a home and, will you please pick him/her up from the hospital? Yes, please!

In my thirty (plus) years of life I have definitely learned that God takes us out of our comfort levels and gently stretches us so that we might grow to be more like Him. This is the goal of life, right? To live to glorify Him. To know He leaves us here (instead of taking us straight to heaven at salvation) to be a testimony of His Grace to others.

She happens to be quiet and reserved (a lot like me) and so I am constantly relying on God’s strength to get this relationship established. This is most definitely the oddest relationship of my entire life.

Hi.

I am meeting you and trying to get to know you.

You will be birthing a baby that you feel you cannot adequately care for; you loved enough to give life and to give away…

I will be caring and nurturing for said child for the rest of my life (I hope!)

This is an incredible bond that no one else can comprehend, even me at this point!

Can someone tell me how do we do this????

I am trying to be a bit candid here, but if you happen to have walked this path before and can give some insight. I would love, love to read your comments! Of course, prayer is always welcome!

Back in May we got a phone call about a baby to be born up in New York in 2 hours!! Basically we would have had to get in the car and drive on up there plus have a significant amount of cash liquid to wire. The Lord gave us an easy answer of No! since we couldn’t possibly have that amount of money liquid immediately. I am so glad we didn’t have to wrestle over a decision and just knew we were not the parents-to-be of this child.

We waited for SOOOO many months with our international adoption to Ethiopia for e and little h that the waiting part wasn’t particularly bad. Perhaps going through a 2 year international adoption taught us well that God truly has picked the children that He has for our family. That lesson is ingrained in my mind, although with this domestic adoption I am being tested in many other ways! I hope to write of some of them in the future.

On June 29th we got a phone call in the evening about a birth mother across the country from us who would be due in October. We had a small amount of background information given to us and then we spent a bit of time in prayer. Our shepherding group from church was with us ironically enough and they gathered around us and prayed for wisdom and guidance. I can’t be thankful enough for the community that we have in Christ- He does not want us to live alone. He has created us to need one another!

We really had no reason to turn down this opportunity. We are wide open on gender and race-so if an opportunity presented itself we had no reason to turn it down (especially since we had gotten our tax return!)  We gave notice that we wanted to proceed that same night.

A few days later we actually had a conference call with the girl-believe me! I was a bundle of nerves. She wasn’t super talkative so we tried to just introduce ourselves and not to ask her too many personal questions. It was a short call, only about 15 minutes. An hour or so later we got a call from her social worker letting us know that she said, “Yes! I’d like to work with this family!”

I had been a bit concerned that since we already had 3 children that a lot of birth mothers would turn us down. We had been warned by our attorney that this may happen. But this birth mother wasn’t bothered by that. Maybe she thinks we are crazy for wanting more who knows! It is rather funny, I must say as a side note, since announcing our pursuit of another adoption people have responded less with big smiles and congratulations and more with a serious look of “how many children do you want to have?!” The first time this happened I was a bit surprised because j and I have never once talked about how many in total children we’d like to have! I’ve never had a “number” in my head of the perfect amount of children. We have room. God has given us what we need to support our family plus another right now. Praise Him! There are SO many across the world and in our country who need a home. We can add on.

Back to the story- just like that…we were matched! Now we enter into the hard part. Waiting and trusting that God’s hand is in this. Hoping and praying that all will go smoothly.

We had a low-key day with just family. I’m so glad the cousins can grow up together-even though you would think we would see each other more often since we live in the same area. Funny how that happens! But I digress.

She had her yummy espresso. The kids wait all year for their birthdays and the privalege of having their very own coffee!

She had her gifts and her chocolate cupcakes which she knew for certain she wanted. This girl is serious about her chocolate. If given a choice between chocolate and any other thing, she would most definitely choose chocolate. A girl after my own heart!

Little h is most of all a jolly girl. She makes laughter wherever she goes. I pray she’ll keep her big smile and big laugh. Having a little girl has been such a sweet gift from the Lord.

All along, I was hoping that some great new car would come out that wouldn’t be SUCH a gas guzzler as a SUV and have all the room of a minivan.

Unfortunately, I have yet to find one.

So about two weeks ago we found this ad for a Honda Odyssey that was for sale in NC. We drove the 2 1/2 hours to test it out. The kids loved it and wanted to buy it on the spot. J thinks it is a great deal with everything we’d ever look for in a new vehicle. And for a minivan, it seems like a good one.

*Sigh*

But that pride is coming up from the depths.

“I have to drive one of those?”

Yup.

It has been a week or so and I am pushing back on that pride. Trying to let go of my own silly desires. It reminds me of an Andrew Peterson song, “I am a family man/ I traded in my mustang for a minivan/ This is not what I was headed for when I began/ This was not my plan/ I am a family man.” (Only 1. I am not a man and 2. We don’t  have a mustang.) Regardless, the song goes on to say, “But everything I had to lose/Came back a thousand times in you/ And you fill me up with love…

Our goal isn’t to have everything WE want here on earth. Often times, what we want is actually not what is best for us anyway. Our desire to bring in another soul who needs a forever family is so much greater than my own pride. Everything I lose here does come back multiplied in the gift of children and life.

So here it goes…

tomorrow, we’ll be the owners of…

a minivan.

Gulp.

PS-for a (bit cheesy) version of Andrew Peterson’s Family Man: http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=92CM1FNU

This morning we retained a lawyer. Our road to expanding will be a bit different this time around. We’ll be adopting domestically instead of internationally.  Honestly, for me, it has been a struggle to come to grips with this different path. My heart has been ready to move towards another adoption for many, many months, but the question has always been where do we go? Since we adopted from Ethiopia in 2009 we have seen many changes in the process and watched it almost look like it would shut down. Thankfully, that isn’t the case and adoptions are still moving along. While our hearts have a pull towards Ethiopia we knew deep down that God wasn’t calling us there this time around. We investigated China, special needs, and once again felt the Lord closing that door. We investigated fostering with the hope to adopt and there, too, felt that wasn’t the path to travel. So now we both have landed on domestic adoption and we feel this is where God has us for this particular time. We’re excited to see what the Lord has in plan for our family and appreciate your prayers and support!

Some friends and I even joked that maybe I would finish in time for my unknown future little girl.

Turns out that was rather prophetic.

My darling toddler son found my bag of smocked dress parts and all the needles, threads and scissors. You can guess what happened next. Yup. I randomly walk into my bedroom one day to find the scissors attached to the front of the unfinished dress. To his credit, it was a rather smallish hole, and quite readily hidden by the print. But that tiny hole was enough to deflate my enthusiasm.

So the smocked dress parts were shoved into the bag and put on a shelf…and forgotten.

Yesterday afternoon I decided that I wanted to make my daughter an Easter outfit – a bit late I may add – especially as I had no plan. What is it with Easter and new outfits? I am not sure. It was then that little dress popped back into my mind. I found the bag, pulled out the dress and tried to decipher the directions.

Note to self: don’t let four years pass when sewing up a complicated pattern.

I finally gave up on the directions as I couldn’t even figure out which part of the pattern I was to be using. So if you are a true, blue Bishop dress connoisseur I beg you, please don’t judge. What is one to do? Especially as I had the itch to get it done right now.

It came out a bit big. And I made up the sleeves as she was really looking like she was in a muumuu….but I am satisfied. And glad to be done. Sorry, my dear niece, it just wasn’t meant to be!

One year of trying.

Two hours, ten minutes of intense braiding.

We have cornrows.